Chapter 14: Oh, Mr. Rogers – won’t YOU be my neighbor?

I  have the WORST Neighbor Karma on earth….truly – I must have been a HORRIBLE neighbor in a previous life….if those even exist….which I don’t know if I believe, but if so, I was wretched.

When living in Chicago, I had this neighbor – he was big, gross and icky. He smoked, watched porn until all hours of the night, and drank like we were about to go back into prohibition! He never opened his windows and his TV was on volume 10000000; and, even as a smoker, I couldn’t stand the smell of the cigarettes wafting into my apartment, soaking thru the walls and under the carpet. And, regardless of the nice requests for him to stop, he did not. We parted ways when I moved to Charlotte, and there was nary a tear shed or a nicety uttered. (Our dislike for one another was a 7-year affair).

Fast forward to Charlotte, 2012. About a month ago, one of the townhomes in my subdivision was sold. It went for substantially less than the others – and certainly less than what my landlord paid for hers. Then, surprise surprise, the owners rented it for a song. Two guys moved in – neither of whom looked like the kind of people I wanted to know….Yes, maybe that’s not very neighborly of me, but if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck…..chances are, it’s a duck.

From the onset, their energy was WEIRD! I mean, it gave me the eebie-jeebies and I am not one to scare easily.  They came and went at odd hours and there was always a steady stream of different people coming and going with them…..House is typically kept dark…you know what I mean, right?

And then, BAM! 3 weeks ago, they decided to empty their bottles and cans into the recycling at 3 a.m. and 2 weekends ago, I learned that they are the very definition of TRASHY NEIGBHBORS. It was 60-degrees (not cold, but certainly not warm!) and there they were, SUNBATHING ON THEIR DRIVEWAY (oh, did I mention, we all have BACKYARDS!!!!!! that are bricked in for privacy?!) – their female guests were nearly topless – accompanied by boxed wine and music that was BLARING from their open car doors….which was parked right outside my windows. 

Fast forward to last night – or this morning to be precise. At 5 a.m. I am startled out of my sleep to what sounded like a band PLAYING RIGHT OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM. Oh, yeah, so they came rolling in at 5 a.m. and decided to leave their car doors open with the stereo on volume 1,000,000 while they ran back into the house (probably for drugs) and then just HUNG OUT, SITTING ON THEIR CAR, WITH THE DOORS OPEN AND THE MUSIC ON.

He really would be the best neighbor EVER!

Who does this? I mean, really, who does this? So, I called the police. Yup, I’m that neighbor. I called the friggen police. And it didn’t even feel good – It certainly didn’t envigorate me to start my day and it didn’t give me back my additional 45 minutes of sleep on which I had planned.

What did I do in my past to warrant a neighbor like this? or, worse-yet, a series of neighbors that have no respect for their community? Where is Mr. Rogers when you need him?

Oh, and in other news:

I did this! So freaking hard - and yes, I had help, but I did it! Bhujapidasana - you're MINE!

I also promise to have a book review for you soon – I’m reading The Bells – its fabulous! read it and then we can discusss together!

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One Response to Chapter 14: Oh, Mr. Rogers – won’t YOU be my neighbor?

  1. wishnot says:

    Yeah, I know the bad neighbor rap, it’s like a song that haunts our lives, my neighbors actually have lights that look like a space ship and their dog is still barking all night, I actually had their two dogs run in my garage, I shut it and called the pound, enough is enough, Hate them, HATE them, and next time I smell anything illegal I’m calling again. Wish you were my neighbor we would watch desperate housewives and drink tea…

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